Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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