Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
