Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
