I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
