What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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