JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
