How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
