I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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