We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
