the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
