all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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