i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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