we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
