D3 body, D1 cock
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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