Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ttyl tear gas
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
