Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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