I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He better not be in your backpack
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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