She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
