Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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