kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
