ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
