My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I did not marry a roomba.
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