THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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