I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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