i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
