I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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