At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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