How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
