i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
