are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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