Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
