FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
