Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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