i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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