She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
