just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
