Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
