He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
