There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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