So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
