What did we do last night that was yellow?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
