Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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