I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
