I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
