I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
