took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The power of my boobs compel you
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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