where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
