i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
