Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
