I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
