Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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