No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
