Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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