I'm so fucking centered right now
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Operation Purity has been aborted
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
