Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We have started to decorate penises.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize