she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
