Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She's JV to your varsity
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
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