so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I want is dick and wine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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