How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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