Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
