They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's blow job season.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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