if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
