Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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