Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
