I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
