y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
