ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize