I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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