Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
