somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
