before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
