The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Pappa wants mamma naked
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
