I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
