well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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