We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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